Ass-Trology: The Sextoy You Should Buy Based on Your Horoscope

Astrology isn’t just about predicting your next big job or the love of your life—it’s also a great guide for picking out the perfect sextoy. So, get ready to align your stars with your bedroom desires. Here’s the ultimate celestial shopping list that matches your zodiac sign to a sextoy that’ll have you thanking the universe.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Toy: The Satisfyer Pro 2

Why: As a fiery Aries, you’re all about bold moves and intense experiences. The Satisfyer Pro 2, with its innovative air-pulse technology, is perfect for your adventurous spirit.

Find it at: Lovehoney US, Lovehoney UK, Adult Toy Megastore NZ

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Toy: The Lelo Soraya Wave

Why: Luxurious Taurus, you deserve the finest things in life. The Lelo Soraya Wave, with its dual stimulation and silky silicone, is as opulent as it gets.

Find it at: Lelo US, Lelo UK, Adult Toy Megastore NZ

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Toy: We-Vibe Sync

Why: Chatty and versatile, Gemini needs a toy that can keep up with their dual nature. The We-Vibe Sync, a customisable couples’ toy, ensures that you and your partner are always in sync, no matter the mood.

Find it at: We-Vibe US, Bondara UK, Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centre NZ

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Toy: The Lovense Lush 3

Why: Sensitive Cancer, you cherish intimacy and connection. The Lovense Lush 3, with its app-controlled vibrations, lets you stay connected with your partner even when you’re apart.

Find it at: Lovense US, Lovehoney UK, Adult Toy Megastore NZ

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Toy: The Womanizer Premium

Why: Leo, you’re the king or queen of the zodiac, and you need a toy that reigns supreme. The Womanizer Premium, with its Pleasure Air technology and luxurious design, is fit for royalty.

Find it at: Womanizer US, Lovehoney UK, Adult Toy Megastore NZ

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Toy: Magic Wand Rechargeable

Why: Practical Virgo, you appreciate reliability and performance. The Magic Wand Rechargeable is a tried-and-true classic that delivers every time.

Find it at: Vibratex US, Lovehoney UK, Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centre NZ

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Toy: The We-Vibe Chorus

Why: Balance-loving Libra, you seek harmony in all things, including your sex life. The We-Vibe Chorus, designed for couples, ensures that both you and your partner experience equal pleasure.

Find it at: We-Vibe US, Bondara UK, Adult Toy Megastore NZ

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Toy: The Lovense Hush

Why: Intense and passionate Scorpio, you crave deep connections and powerful experiences. The Lovense Hush, a remote-controlled butt plug, is perfect for exploring your darker desires.

Find it at: Lovense US, Lovehoney UK, Adult Toy Megastore NZ

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Toy: The Lelo Hugo

Why: Adventurous Sagittarius, you love exploring new horizons. The Lelo Hugo, a remote-controlled prostate massager, is perfect for your daring spirit.

Find it at: Lelo US, Lelo UK, Adult Toy Megastore NZ

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Toy: The Doxy Die Cast Wand

Why: Ambitious Capricorn, you appreciate quality and craftsmanship. The Doxy Die Cast Wand, known for its powerful vibrations and durable design, is a perfect match for your high standards.

Find it at: Doxy Massager US, Lovehoney UK, Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centre NZ

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Toy: The Hot Octopuss Pulse III Duo

Why: Innovative Aquarius, you’re always ahead of the curve. The Hot Octopuss Pulse III Duo, a cutting-edge “guybrator,” is as unique and forward-thinking as you are.

Find it at: Hot Octopuss US, Lovehoney UK, Adult Toy Megastore NZ

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Toy: The Smile Makers Tennis Pro G Spot Vibrator

Why: Dreamy Pisces, you’re all about the feels. The Smile Makers Tennis Pro G Spot Vibrator, with its powerful vibrations and multiple speeds, helps you drift away on waves of pleasure.

Find it at: Smile Makers

So there you have it, star-crossed lovers! Let the stars guide your next sextoy purchase, and may your nights be as steamy as your horoscopes predict. Happy stargazing—and even happier buzzing!