August 31, 2022

Backdoor for Beginners: The 101 of trying anal

By Lovehoney Sexologist Chantelle Otten

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Disclaimer: Anal play should only be approached if both parties are keen and excited to try this style. If you are uncertain or your partner is, it is your/their right to decline. Like all other sex acts, do not try this out of obligation or pressure to please another person.

Anal Play. It can be a sensitive topic and one that tends to divide. Some love it, some hate it, some don’t want to even try it. Whatever your choice, it’s good to still educate yourself. There are heaps of nerve endings around the anus – way more than around the vagina or penis. All those nerve endings mean great pleasure and it’s up to you if you want to explore that.

According to Pornhub data, anal is the third most commonly searched term in New Zealand. The stigma surrounding heterosexual anal sex is decreasing and more couples are reporting having at least tried it once. It isn’t just the preserve of homosexual couples. Roughly a third of homosexual couples report that anal isn’t part of their regular sexual repertoire. And in absolute figures, many more heterosexual couples have tried anal sex.

First of all, people assume anal sex is painful, it shouldn’t be if you are careful and patient. It might just take a lot of lube and some different methods. Remember that there are a lot of new and unusual feelings down there, so it’s possible to mistake these new sensations as pain. Try asking yourself, is this pain or is it just a weird feeling?

If it’s weird, keep going, add more lube and direct your partner with how you would like to be played with. Of course, you should only do something if you’re 100 percent comfortable with it. But if you do decide to give it a go, there is nothing to fear

If you’re ready to open up a whole new world of pleasure, here is my beginner’s guide to butt stuff, the simple checklist for first-time anal play. 

Relax yourself

The very first step is making sure you’re comfortable and relaxed. Being tense is not going to work when it comes to anal play. 

Spend some time with yourself ahead of partnered playtime, but use this as an opportunity to relax. Take a bath or have a shower, really embrace self-care to set the mood and help you ease into the experience to come. 

Get clean

It goes without saying that if you’re sexually stimulating an area that’s usually devoted to pooping, you will need to ensure that your anus is squeaky clean.

Have a relaxing bath beforehand and thoroughly clean the area. Many butt sex beginners like to use an anal douche to guarantee complete and utter cleanliness, and more so put their mind at ease. If you’re conscious about your lover seeing your anus in full for the first time, why not gently shave or wax the skin between your butt cheeks? You’ll be surprised how much more relaxed and confident this will make you feel.

At the end of the day, if your partner isn’t okay with the natural mess that may come with anal play, then this might not be for them.

Use lube

Don’t even think about attempting any form of anal penetration without using some form of lube. There’s a raft of great lubes available for you to buy but the best ones are the thick, specially formulated anal lubricants.

Anal sex is classified as a “sexually risky behaviour”. Anuses are delicate. The skin is very thin and unlike vaginas, arseholes are incapable of producing their own lubrication, no matter how many hours of foreplay you put into it. Lubrication is important.

Start small

To keep things easy breezy begin with some anal exploration, using anal toys or your lover’s fingers as a great way to explore. Beginner’s butt plugs are a popular choice for bumfunnery. Using a small toy prior to play warms up the area, familiarises your anus with the feeling of penetration and helps to relax the muscles.

Your lover should start by lubing up the plug or their finger and start off with the tip, then gently work their finger or plug in until it is submerged. You should continue to do this with up to three fingers or by going from a smaller to a larger butt plug, but only if you’re still feeling comfortable and pleasured.

Don’t forget to use lube on each finger you insert. If and when you’re ready, you can move up to larger insertables, such as a dildo or a penis. Just remember to take your time, and keep any thrusting slow, and gentle. You may decide you like it harder or faster later, but for now, keep things simple while you find out what you like.

Clean up

After each time you’ve finished having anal sex, make sure that you thoroughly clean your anus and the toy or body part used to penetrate. A quick shower with your lover is a good way to decompress after the first time. If you used any toys, remember to give them a thorough clean with soap and water or a sex toy cleaner and store them separately once dry.