The New Thing Is ‘Wet’ And ‘Messy’ Play: Here’s The Tea
If lots of lube, squirting, and other kinds of messy sex get you going, here’s the literal ins and outs for this fetish.
Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion broke the internet with “Wet *ss Pussy.” Sure, the beat, bars, and star-studded, fantastical music video were everything. But these unapologetic rappers didn’t just give listeners another sex-positive anthem. They tapped into a fetish that’s not often spoken about: wet and messy play.
You may be wondering, “What is ‘wet and messy play?’” and the answer is, well, exactly what it sounds like. It’s a fetish where an individual is turned on by excessive fluids in sex.
A little reminder: a “fetish” by definition involves “an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification, and that is an object of fixation.”
Dr. Sadie Allison, a sexologist and co-founder of GoLove CBD lube, points to the way we as individuals are socialised to be turned on by wetness. Whether messy sex is crucial to getting off or it’s an occasional indulgence, it’s important to remember that there are all kinds of ways to engage in “WAP”- and “WAM”-related activities.
As you embark on your journey of being a “certified freak, seven days a week,” here are some ways to explore wet and messy.
Start With Lube
If you’re a vagina-owner who’s worried about your pussy not being wet enough, don’t stress.
“There are a number or reasons why enough natural wetness may be hard to achieve, like hormone fluctuations, medication, and diet,” Allison tells O.School.
Especially if you want to, in Cardi B’s words, ‘park a Big Mack truck in a little garage’, you’ll need some assistance.
That’s where lube comes in. “Lubricant is used to achieve better glide, offer more comfort, prevent injury like micro tears, and promote endurance,” Allison explains.
She mainly recommends silicone-based lube (“offers a long-lasting slick and is especially good for anal sex,” she says) and water-based lube (“Good water-based lubes will absorb naturally into the skin,” she adds).
For starters, not only silicone lube great for anal, but it’s also great for shower sex. This is because silicone tends to rest on the skin, instead of absorbing. This can be a blessing and a curse, as this lube is difficult to wash off. Along with being condom-safe, it’s also great to use with steel and glass sex toys.
Believe it or not, silicone-based lube doesn’t fare well with silicone toys — it creates little tears in the surface of these toys, and bacteria often hide there.
If you do have a silicone toy you’d like to use in your quest to get a WAP, try water-based lube. This lube tends to be easier to wash off of sheets, toys, and human bodies. Allison recommends refreshing it consistently, however, because it does dissolve quickly into the skin.
One particular reason water-based lubes are worth picking up is that they can help condoms feel more comfortable, and it’s less likely that condoms will break during intercourse (with the help of water-based lube). While condom-safe, affordable, and compatible with toys, the downside is that water-based lube doesn’t do super well during shower sex sessions.
And last but not least are the oil-based lubes. Not only are these natural and tend to have a more pleasant taste than most lubes, oil ones are particularly soothing and moisturising for your body. Be warned though, as oil lubes can erode condoms and dental dams, and can definitely stain your sheets. It’s also super long-lasting which, again, can be a blessing and a curse.
Along with using lube during your main sex acts, Allison recommends incorporating it into foreplay for that extra wet touch. “Have your partner put it on their fingers and use it on you, and vice versa,” she explains. “Think mutual masturbation, with a four-fingertip vulva massage or full penis and balls caressing handjob.” She adds that lube can work wonders for general body massages, too.
You can even take your sexy time to the next level with extra-arousing or stimulating lubes. For example, Unbound has a “Clitoral Jolt Gel” with peppermint oil, and Foria Wellness has its signature “Awaken Arousal Oil.”
With “WAP” as our guiding light into the wet and messy fetish, I’d like to bring your attention to a particular Cardi B line: ‘I do a kegel while it’s inside‘. Along with incorporating different kinds of lubricant, you and your partner can also get messy by trying to induce squirting. “Squeezing and flexing the kegel muscles, like a strong-held kegel, can help build to a squirting orgasm,” Allison says.
Just for a refresher: “Squirting” is when a vulva-owner releases fluid through the urethra. This occurs when the G-spot is stimulated, and Allison recommends doing so with “a fast rigorous technique.” Look for the internal clitoris right behind the urethra. “This spongy area can be found ⅔ of the way up inside the vagina. Stimulate with a nice upward curved angle,” she says. Fingers are ideal for helping make someone squirt, as are sex toys that are curved and meant for G-spot stimulation.
All these details may feel like a lot to keep in mind, but don’t sweat it! Unless of course, sweating is your thing.
Take your time experiment with your partner, particularly while whichever vagina-owning partner (who’s being penetrated) is relaxed.
“If you’re clenched up or tense, squirting may not happen,” Allison tells O.School. “Some people squirt easily, others can take time. There is no right or wrong way to squirt, so enjoy the ride. Of course, this is not possible for all people – which is no problem!”
Disclaimer; Not all bodies can squirt. If this is something you are unable to achieve it’s perfectly normal.
Bring Food Into The Bedroom
Another “WAP” lyric to take inspiration from is Megan’s evocative “Gobble me, swallow me, drip down the side of me” line. A very straightforward way to experiment with messiness is by raiding your fridge. “Food play,” a subcategory of WAM play, is the use of food in an “erotically-charged way.” Something Allison recommends is trying incorporating food into sex in a playful fashion. “Like whipped cream on nipples, or eating crushed berries off your partner’s stomach or bottom,” Allison says.
You can also drizzle condiments onto your partner’s body. Think chocolate syrup on your partner’s butt, honey on their stomach, or squeezable caramel on their neck. You can feed each other fruit, take body shots, or order some sushi to eat off each other’s bodies, a practice called “nyotaimori.” The possibilities are endless — just be mindful of allergies, as well as foods that can harm certain areas of the body.
For example, as Allison points out, sugary foods can irritate the vulva or vagina. Acid and alcohol can also irritate the vagina, as well as the anus. If you’d like to bring whipped cream into the bedroom, for example, do stick to the nipples, tummy, and legs. Sugar or dairy can upset the vagina’s pH balance, thereby causing a yeast or bacterial infection.
In that case, use a plastic wrap barrier if you or your partner really want to slurp up dessert foods from a vagina.
Get Into Period Sex
Sometimes, the last thing you want to do as a vagina-owner is to have sex on your period. But if you’re horny during your period and have yet to try partner play while menstruating, give it a shot. Simply put: “Menstruation makes for a wonderful lubricant,” Allison says. When you’re on your period, you’ve automatically got that “macaroni in a pot” WAP.
Not only is your vagina extra sticky and slippery, but it’s also more sensitive. And therefore, sex can actually be all the more pleasurable.
Allison adds, “Period sex can be more enjoyable, since the tissues in pelvis are inflamed or engorged. Many describe it as more sensational and some can achieve climax easier.”
If you feel some type of way about blood, lay down a dark towel or do the deed in the shower. Which could lead to a sexy, soapy round two, honestly.
If talking about blood makes you feel awkward, a tip Allison offers is calling blood “colour” instead. “Easier on the ears, and sounds more playful and light,” she says. “If some of you don’t like the sight of colour, do it with the lights off.”
Menstruation, however, is nothing to be ashamed of, but baby steps! Something to keep in mind is that because menstruation is a demonised bodily function, it’s honestly kind of badass to derive pleasure from it. It’s a middle finger to the cis-hetero patriarchy, if you will.
However now you have several tools at your disposal to try Wet and Messy Play. Just remember to approach it with caution and respect to yourself and your partner, and have fun.