How to have a bangin’ yet respectful Threesome

Threesomes have long been considered number one on sexual ‘to do’ lists. And despite how ‘progressive’ society seems to be about sexual exploration, even the slight mention of threesomes in casual conversation can cause the timid to shriek “oh my god I could NEVER do that”, and the secretly interested to not-so-subtly try to keep the conversation going.

I get the allure.

Movies and TV shows have portrayed threesomes as a naughty way for couples to spice up their sex life, or for care-free singles to explore and adore each other’s bodies. It’s a little off limits, but well within everyone’s reach.

But whether you’re a committed couple, or sexy single and looking to mingle in a ménage à trois, approaching the threesome can be a little anxiety-inducing.  

“What if he likes her more?”

“What if we break up after?”

“What if the couple starts fighting?”

“What if our swords cross?”

These are all common cock-blocking thoughts. But fear not – I am here to guide you to potentially one of the best nights of your life.

Now I won’t lie to you my lovelies – I have traditionally subscribed to the Samantha Jones Threesome Theory. “The only way to do a threesome is to be the guest star…the girl the couple gets to come in and screw and leave…all the great sex without wondering what it will do to your relationship.”

My first threesome experience happened in London after I swiped right on a gorgeous couple on Tinder. We met at the bar near my flat, hit it off immediately, then decided to embark on a night that would fill my wank bank for years to come. And as it turned out…Ms. Jones’ theory was spot on.

As the guest star, I was treated to a night of pleasure, and was all too happy to return the favour to my hosts. We all came (multiple times), slept, woke up, and enjoyed round two in the morning, after which I enjoyed some white choc and raspberry muffins they made the previous day. Orgasms AND baked goods? You bet your ass I was on cloud nine.

But what made it such an effortlessly incredible event? I have a few theories… 

1. The couple had no rules for me. None of that “you can’t kiss my boyfriend on the mouth” a la Pretty Women bullshit. It gave me peace of mind that I wasn’t going to cross a boundary and cause disruption.
2. We were all great communicators – if we wanted to be touched somewhere then we said so, and if we enjoyed something in particular, we were vocal and enthusiastic about it.
3. Neither of the pair was doing this just to make the other person happy. Like me, the girl was bisexual and was looking to explore that side of herself, and being early in my coming out stage, I was all too thrilled that this 10/10 hunny wanted to do it with me. As for the guy…well he was just downright stoked to be there.
4. We were all mature enough to speak about our sexual health status prior to the encounter, which is someone people seem to forgo all too often. Being clear about our sexual health and discussing condom use beforehand added a layer of trust and comfort to the situation.

Not every threesome is going to be picture-perfect – and that’s okay. Sex in itself can be weird, messy, and even funny. However, if you follow these tips below, I guarantee you’ll be better placed to get down and dirty without the worries and insecurities that are commonplace in this scenario.

Have an honest conversation with yourself

Whether you’re single or in a relationship, it’s so important that you get in touch with yourself before approaching a threesome. Ask yourself why you want to do it. If it’s to make someone else happy, then it’s not for you babe. But if it’s because you’re genuinely curious, looking to explore and try something new, then give yourself the green light.

And if your partner is pushing for a threesome despite you clearly not wanting to, then you have bigger problems. Don’t let anyone convince you that you’re boring or frigid because you only want to sleep with the person you’re dating.

Be transparent about your boundaries and your fantasies

When it comes to sex, communicating your wants and needs is key to creating deeper connections. If there is anything you’re uncomfortable with sexually, then I encourage you to vocalise this prior to your threesome. This could mean taking oral off the table, kissing on the mouth, anal, or choking. Make sure everyone is clear and agrees before the clothes come off. Believe me – knowing the rules actually gives everyone more room to play.

The same goes for fantasies too. If you love a bit of hair tugging, spanking or are super keen for someone to explore your back door, then say it. I think we can all agree it’s exciting to talk about turn ons…and it’ll only add to the experience.

Share the love

This should be fairly obvious, but it needs to be said: threesomes involve three people. Every single person should be attended to throughout.

Don’t get so caught up in one person that you completely ignore the other. If you’re busy riding your boyfriend and notice the other girl left in the lurch, use your free hand to touch her or pull her in for a kiss. Or, if you find yourself on your back being attended to downstairs, have the free person straddle your mouth and treat them to oral ecstasy.

 Basically: don’t be a dick. Everyone should be getting off during this encounter. Make it your mission to be inclusive.

Let go and enjoy

Sex is so much better when you can relax, let go and just enjoy the ride.

While you may be nervous, worried about how you look, or concerned about doing it “right”, it’s so much more important that you have fun! Nothing else matters in the end.

Bringing a positive attitude to the table, coupled with open-mindedness and a willingness to try new things, can only result in sexy, fun times had by all. There’s nothing more natural than the act of sex, so allow yourself to give into the moment and the ultimate release that’s sure to come your way.