August 31, 2022

What is Fraysexuality?

So, Fraysexuality is the more recent explored term on the block. And if you’ve ever had excitement wear off quickly and crave more novel sexual experiences, this one may resonate with you.

O.School defines Fraysexuality as people who “mostly experience sexual attraction to strangers or new acquaintances. And, once they’ve developed a strong emotional bond with a partner, they often find themselves losing sexual, though not necessarily romantic, interest.”

The prefix fray- comes from the Old English word for stranger.

It can be helpful to define “fraysexual” as the opposite of “demisexual.” Demisexual folks only find themselves sexually attracted to partners who they have an emotional connection with. For fraysexual folks, it’s the exact opposite.

The Fraysexual flag, like most, has meaning behind the colours. Blue and cyan are meant to represent strangers or acquaintances. With blue being the complementary colour to red and yellow, which symbolize romantic and platonic love. The white stripe represents a lack of attraction. The grey stripe represents confusion about sexual attraction.

Fraysexuality has many branches to it, and like most sexualities isn’t just straightforward (pun intended) - Fraysexual can be a sexual orientation on its own or can combined with other orientations. For example, one could be fraysexual and gay, meaning that when one does experience sexual attraction it is only towards individuals of the same gender.

What demisexuality and fraysexuality have in common, however, is that both fall along the asexuality spectrum . Fraysexuality falls under the asexuality umbrella, because it names an experience of sexual attraction that falls outside of ‘the standard way,’

As a definition, it’s fairly easy to understand.. But it can be quite a painful reality… particularly if a fraysexual person is dating people who aren’t fraysexual. Who find that an emotional bond and increased familiarity actually strengthens sexual attraction.

What Fraysexuality is not

Someone who is fraysexual may also be aromantic, meaning they don’t experience romantic attraction, but they could also be biromantic, homoromantic, heteroromantic, or any other romantic orientation.

Losing interest in someone sexually once you get to know them does not mean you lose interest in them romantically.

Fraysexual folks who do experience romantic feelings may also have a preferred relationship structure, meaning they could prefer to be monogamous, non-monogamous, polyamorous, or in swing relationships. V. notes that some people (herself included) experience their preferred relationship structure as their own type of orientation.